Day six: The smell of nerves before the alarm


sniff sniff.



No, not another dirty job, nor is it the sniffer dogs from last weeks forensics case, wet nosing their way through suspects (of which I am not one) though my sense of fear and loathing may well arrest me for that assault on gluteus maximus as someone has to pay the price and I look shifty, on edge, about to break.  I am merely using a descriptive to show the nerves.  What else could I have used?

My nerves don’t really smell, but there certainly is an issue here.  Two weeks off and as always, with good intentions at my core to be ready, prepared, one step-ahead I am none.  Fail to prepare I am fully prepared to fail and THAT is causing an almighty stink.

Who else out there in this world has… I’m not even going to finish the question, it is just me, the one idiot who has spent the past week writing about a cat licking it’s arse when I knew full well I had real work to do.

When that alarm sounds in the morning I think it is in for a bigger shock than me.  I have a thwack ready.  I will probably not clean shave, my shoes have not been polished, I never visited the barbers, I have not purchased myself a new outfit as planned so I will basically look no better than my dishevelled cat; rushing around trying to catch it’s tail.

So when everyone tomorrow congratulates themselves for looking so well rested, smug at how prepared they are, dancing in the corridors of new year optimism I will blame! I know it is not fair, but I will look each and every equipped member of staff in their bag-free eyes and suck their hope of a good beginning into my needy veins, because of YOU.

I had two weeks for all this stuff (papers about papers, folders with things in, charts about results that I don’t understand but promised myself I would understand by now) and yet I find myslef writing to nobody…what on earth is my problem?  Do I like to take a beating? Am I into that?  Oh my.

Oh no…

…….it will happen, tomorrow some ‘ever-so-nice’ person with an easy life will ask ‘did you make any new years resolutions?’

I hope I can hold myself together.  I am choking at the thought of it, and also on fresh air-mile Almonds (from California) and Soft Apricots (from Turkey)…I love eating local produce!  I am close to ranting…I can feel it.  Can you?


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